Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
