Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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