Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
