i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
