i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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