and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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