Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
