I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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