Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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