I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize