it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
