My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Houston, we have a blender
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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