Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
