we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
