He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
