I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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