At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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