What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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