1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize