I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
