Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
