My hand turned me down
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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