just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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