after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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