We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
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I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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