Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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