if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
