Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
