I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
