He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
