she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
