Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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