i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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