He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize