Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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