Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
this hospital has no fireball
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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