just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
