She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
