No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
