i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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