you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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