Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
