I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
