Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
