Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
