It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize