i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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