I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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