I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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