Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
