I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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