i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
