What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
