so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize