So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
