she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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