JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
