Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think i have two assholes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
