I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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