She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
