i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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