Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
