I think my fart just growled at me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
