Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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