call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
