I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
