guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
